i dream of two dear

i dream of two dear

written by PAVE
21-03-25

every night, i dream of two deer.
one i named heremel the fourth and the other kro the sixth.
when i wander off to my deepest slumber, my vision goes dark before i wake up again to the sights of dreary heavens. its always midway through autumn. i hear the crunch of fallen leaves surround me, and when i look up i see two deer looking down at me. their eyes are full of curiosity. they dont flinch when i get up to stand on my feet.
heremel has an injured left front leg, causing her to limp. kro has beautiful blond fur, running smoothly throughout his body like the tides. they look at me with the blacks of their eyes, and it looks like it could be the void resting in their eye sockets.
i cannot touch them, no. for the last time i did, they ended up scattering. not to run off somewhere, but for its whole being to scatter into nothing but beautiful dust. its always the ethereal that you cannot grasp. ive longed to feel their warmth.
they flutter their eyelashes to me, the void flickering between existence and nonexistence. i learned that they do that when they want to make me follow.
kro leads the way, prancing about deeper into the forest. heremel follows suit, falling behind only slightly with the limp on her leg.
it is fun.
when the leaves crunch at the impact of their hooves..
at one point i dont even have to look where to go. kro and heremel will always make sure i dont get lost. at that point i close my eyes. i trust them, wherever it is they will take me. whether it ends up being the pearly gates, or the raging fires of hell. i feel that it is always destined.
i do love them. they are only deers in a recurring dream, but they truly are my dears.
i prefer running around with them than being awake and dealing with reality.
did i take my medicine?
we come to a stop. heremel groans at the pain in her leg. she rests upon a hill. kro pushes me over. at the top of the hill lies a wooden box just big enough to fit me. its cushioned, thats nice. kro lays opposite heremel and kisses her forehead for comfort. the box rests between them.
they flutter their voids at me again. they want me to lay with them.
“i love you kro,” i say. “i love you heremel.”
they bury their noses into me. it tickles. this is the first time i felt their touch. “we love you too. rest well.”

Laplace's Angel: Extra

by: buttcheeksonthepavement (PAVE) 11-11-24

Work of fiction. This takes place before the main story, still narrated by the same narrator.

I was fifteen, if I'm recalling correctly, when I had my first boyfriend and girlfriend. The first snowfall had occurred the day before our class welcomed an exchange student. I was the same then as I am now: introverted. I didn't dare talk to anyone. But there was something about him that made me want to be friends. So I came up to him and asked if he wanted to have lunch together. He replied, but I didn't quite understand him. Forgive me, but to this day I still have trouble identifying accents. I would guess that his accent was Spanish. Although I didn't understand his verbal reply, I understood his agreement to the suggestion, for he sat with me during lunch for the rest of winter. When spring came and there was a sudden downpour, he oh-so conveniently had twice the amount of umbrellas as himself, so he lent me one. Once we were dismissed from school, we walked side by side in the rain. He grabbed my hand, please note that I understood him through his accent by this time, and he said that his hands were cold. I only smiled and squeezed his hand tighter to provide him with more warmth. I must have misinterpreted our friendship this entire time, because the next moment he pushed me against the wall and put his lips on mine. I did not feel anything, only the obligation to reciprocate the action. For the next few weeks we put our lips together in the same manner. I heard him whisper among the boys and girls: "That's my partner. We're in love." I was indifferent about the whole situation and simply continued my studies. 

One day, while I was studying integers and linear graphs in the empty classroom, he knocked, as if the classroom were my personal boudoir. I answered, "come in." He grabbed a chair and dragged it ever so silently beside me and sat down. He was wordless beside me, and I didn't know that I was supposed to ask "what's wrong?" until he verbally said, "aren't you going to ask me what's wrong?" So I repeated: "what's wrong?" with a false tone of caring. He croaked, "I like being a girl." I misheard and thought that he had said 'I like girls,' so I asked if he didn't want to date me anymore (I was unsure of what gender he thought I was). He was silent for a few beats before he said "no, I think I identify as a girl." I wasn't sure how to respond, as I myself never felt aligned with a binary gender identity. So I only kissed her and told her that it would be okay with me if she identified as a girl, or a lizard or a carp. She cried on my chest as I played with her hair, which I realised at that moment that she was growing it for her transition.

Over the course of a year she adopted more feminine mannerisms and started wearing skirts and tight cardigans. The cardigans would turn into tank tops that revealed her waist during the summer time. Once the summer came, we completely stopped talking. I wondered at that time, if transitioning made you stray further away from the people you once loved. Anyway, the whole matter did not bother me in the slightest. I did not find it particularly great that we were dating, nor did I find it particularly devastating when she stopped contacting me every night. A part of me briefly wondered if she only started avoiding me because I knew that behind her feminine front was nothing but an ordinary boy. Another part of me thought that she had simply grown bored of me. But I would brush off all the events of the school year only a day later, and I continued on with studying.

I met her again the other day. Years and years have passed, yet she still recognized me. Like a broken record, she apologised about leaving me that summer as if everything happened yesterday or last week. I, in fact, forgot about her and our relationship until she mentioned it.

Anyway, she looks really good now, and I asked if I could paint her. She gasped deeply at this, as if I had won the lottery and said I was giving half of it to her. On our way to the studio, I told her about how I sold my soul to painting and was briefly famous. Throughout the storytelling she squealed like some fan seeing their favourite celebrity in real life for the first time. She offered me a cigarette and I gladly accepted the offer. We stepped inside and I told her to wear the flip-flops that were tossed at the corner of my studio. It was only because the studio floor was so dirty and her shoes were dazzling. My studio-mate was lounging on the couch, but quickly scurried away like a cockroach saying, "This needs to be the last time you smoke, I can't take it anymore," before leaving and shutting the studio door behind him. I told her to sit still for no longer than forty minutes, and she did while we chatted and told each other about our careers. But only ten minutes in, she asked in a seductive tone, "want my clothes on or off?" in which I nonchalantly replied "on." I think she got embarrassed after that and then said she needed to leave early because something came up. I was left with an unfinished painting and her dazzling shoes. The whole matter was deeply entertaining to me--the girl I dated in highschool was flirting with me several years later!

I tried to finish the painting from memory, but just as she had come and gone so quickly, the memory faded too. I relit the rest of my cigarette and drifted to sleep.

slenderman's gay cousin ILIKEMENDERMAN

it is the last year of sorcerer college or wherever the hell they go and geto thinks that it is the perfect time to ask his long time crush gojo out for homecoming.... that is, sorcerer homecoming... the big big problem is that geto doesnt even know if gojo likes men! he has about a month before sorcerer homecoming weekend.... thats about a month to figure everything out and plan whats going to be happening between them. while in his little trance, geto is snapped back to reality when someone calls his name. that someone..... need'nt be named. "yo whaddap toes," gojo calls out his friend with a nickname he made up... 'toes' short for geto. "whatcha doing out here all alone thinking youre the thinker with that goofy ahh pose youve got there?" normally geto wouldnt be shy around gojo.. but because he was just thinking about his beautiful white haired best friend five seconds ago, he fails to cover the stutter that comes out of his mouth, but hopefully his crush wouldnt notice "w-well perhaps i am the thinker. there are a lot of things in the world to think about, gojo. such as the suffering of humanity...." gojo rolls his eyes "why are you so emo man" geto frowns and faces gojo… its not like its his first time seeing his handsome friend… but just making eye contact with such a beautiful person caught him a little off guard. before he starts day dreaming in front of his best friend, he replies, “being aware of reality and being emo are NOT the same. get it right.” “whatever you say. can we please get our study sesh started?” “anything for you i suppose.” … oh the beauty of study sessions. thank the sorcerers from above for granting geto such a bright mind… a mind so bright that even his genius friend would want assistance from him. he and gojo already spend lots of time together but study sessions are a completely different thing. gojo rarely ever shows his serious face and geto enjoys that. such rare sights must always be cherished. since sorcerer homecoming was nearing… geto has caught himself stealing glances at his friend much more often. he wonders: when would be the right time to confess? the thought of gojo being his sorcerer homecoming date has been clouding his mind much more than he’d like… to hold him close and look into those oceaN blue eyes and brush off the silver strands that try to hide them. “so i dont understand this dumbass math thing. could you just explain this three dimensional axis bullcrap?” gojo takes a seat beside geto “what dont you understand about this? how to translate data into three dimensional graphs?” (note: im making this all up) “err yea duh. thats what the whole topic is about, cheesus.” “doesnt hurt to double check with people gojo. ‘cheesus’” the seconds blurred into minutes and the minutes blurred into hours and the hours blurred into nothing and the illusion of time is real. “and by using this technique, its easier to tell where the vector will shift.” geto finishes. “theres no way you just taught me this without pulling up some complicated equation… geto youre amazing” geto feels a blush creep up his face… its rare to hear compliments from his friend but when it does happen geto feels like some blushing maiden swooned by some mighty prince. “its nothing. just trying to help a friend out.” he manages to say. trying to help a friend… he hopes and prays for a day where he can call gojo his boyfriend instead of best friend. “youre seriously the best. i mean, i dont know how id end up in calc right now if you didnt exist. thanks bro.” gojo shifts to start packing up. but geto doesnt want him to go yet… maybe like five minutes more would be enough for him. “hey, just to make sure you actually understand,” geto starts writing down an equation for gojo to solve “why dont you answer this for me.” his silver haired best friend blinks at him, a bit flabbergasted. “psh, of course i can do it. what, you dont believe in me all of a sudden? watch this.” and with that gojo takes out the pen he just packed into his bag five seconds ago and takes in the problem his friend asked him to solve. he spends some time looking at it, got that thinker pose and everything trying to analyze the question. he twists his pen, and oh gosh geto doesnt even notice how much hes staring at his friend. hes not usually this outright homosexual with his friend. one might even mistake him as romantically uninterested. but its not his fault homecoming is nearing. he would punish himself for thinking about his best friend too much….. later. for now, he admires how gojo furrows his eyebrows trying to solve the question, how he squints his eyes every now and then, and how you could visibly see a thought click in his head before he writes a few lines of numbers down on the paper. geto props his elbow on the table and lets his chin rest on his palm just very casually staring. his mind wanders to his earlier thought: gojo would probably be an excellent dancer. no flaws in his steps and all. but geto wouldnt mind if he was, because GOD he was deeply in love with the guy. suddenly his blue eyed friend looks up at geto and passes him the paper. “bim bam boom. i told you i could do it. SUCK IT!” geto, fresh out of his daydream, scans gojos paper. he looks at the lines of numbers gojo wrote down and then his final equation at the bottom of the paper. he deems his friend good to go. “you should know better than to not believe in me.. i mean, my best friend of all people too…….” gojo teases. “you KNOW thats not what i was doing. i gave you something to solve because i knew you could do it. and you did. which proves my point.” they both start packing their things up now. “yea duh. of course i could do it im the best.” gojo finishes up and picks up his bag ready to bid goodbyes with his friend “then dont ask me for help next time” geto smirks. his silver haired friend doesnt answer. “…whatever. you wanna, like, grab something to eat? call me starvin marvin casue all that studying got me hungry” if geto were to be completely honest, he was not hungry at all. but time spent with gojo is always fun “yeah lets go get something” they both pick up their stuff and start heading towards the parking lot. geto takes out his keys and unlocks his super duper expensive bugatti. gojo takes a seat at the passenger side and geto follows, sitting in the divers side. “buckle up!” gojo yells. “what the fuck?” geto replies. they drive to the nearest cheap late night snack drive through place and order up. “im so ready for some munchies” gojo squeals. “what are you getting gojo?” theyre currently stopped, staring at the menu trying to figure out what to get. “maybe like a burger and fries. the ultimate combo, heh. like you and me.” gojo says the last sentence a lot quieter, earning a confused look from geto. “what was that?” “and i want extra cheesus sauce,” gojo tries to change the subject. “cheese sauce??” frustrated, gojo rolls his eyes “just tell me what youre getting and then let me do the ordering. silly man.” “just make it two burgers and two fries.” they drive up to the window where a worker greets them and asks for their order. gojo takes off his seat belt and leans over geto to try to talk to the worker. gojo doesnt know, but geto is freaking the fuck out over this close proximity. “yo yo yo we just want two burgers and two fries with some extra cheesus sauce” “you mean cheese sauce?” “i said what i said” gojo returns to his seat and buckles up! yet again. flabbergasted geto is frozen in place from what just happened but he recovers and realizes hes got to move to the other window for payment. they pay and pick up their stuff. with it being pretty late, the parking lot was pretty much empty. they decided to just stay there while they ate their food. gojo scarfed down his fries like it was nothing. “aw dude, this is the best. thanks for getting late night munchies with me” “ill always be here to get some …‘late night munchies’ with you gojo.” “oh dont get all sweet on me” there was a silence between them after that. a sweet silence. the chuckles stopped and they looked into each others eyes… both looking like one had something to say to the other. gojo broke his gaze first, thinkng: god that was fucking faggy. “i can fit this whole fucking burger in my mouth, toes” gojo said finally breaking the silence “dont do that” and with that they were both lauhging together again. “god you moron” geto says, laughing as gojo does some tomfoolery with his late night munchies. “you know gojo, despite your… silly goosery, moments like these… where i get to spend time with you really are great. i love this” “ha, who wouldnt. but i must say i like hanging out with you too toes.” … “lets get you home gojo” geto starts his car, the engine vroom vrooming as it starts. they arrive at gojos place. “thanks for today toes. i owe you one” “you dont owe me a single thing gojo. dont get lost on your way to the door.” gojo rolls his eyes. “see ya tomorrow toes” with that, they part ways. geto arrives at his dorm and opens his phone right away, fingers going autopilot and immediately opening the chatroom he and gojo have. turns out gojo texted him first!
gojo: r u back home safe toes?
geto: I sure am.
gojo: thx for tonight toes. ur amazing
geto: Always, Gojo.
gojo: gn man
geto: Good Night Gojo. See you again tomorrow.
geto turned off his phone and oh dear he felt like some lovestruck fool with his heart racing like crazy after just a few texts between him and gojo. he reflected on earlier that day when gojo had such a focused face.. those tamed eyebrows and beautiful lashes moving and fluttering ever so slightly while he tried to solve the question his friend gave him. and god when gojo leaned over him to take their order… and looking into those ocean blue eyes and getting lost in them while eating together at an empty parking lot… out of context itd just seem like they were straight up dating. geto sighs, feeling the drowsiness of fatigue take over him. he thinks about gojos jokes and some ‘cheesus’ sauce. “that goof. but hes my goof.” geto smiles hard. tomorrow again will he see his friend… and he drifts off to sleep with that handsome face in mind hoping he’ll see him in his dreams at least.