pertinax and aurelianus

08-25-25
598 words

 

I will hold you close to me, Pertinax. I’ll keep you warm. What is my favourite thing about you, you ask? Oh Pertinax, it’s your eyes. The faint glimmer in your eyes is what I love about you the most. Will you show it to me one last time? I remember when I first laid my eyes on you. I thought I was looking at heaven itself. I remember how the sunlight reached your face so gracefully, how can such features exist in a mere man? Oh, what am I saying? You aren’t the slightest bit “mere” Pertinax, you are far from it! The exact opposite. I could find you in a crowd so easily, dear Pertinax, for your beauty exists the laws of physics–I can feel your beauty as if it were temperature, a gust of wind–it exceeds the human’s normal senses! Am I rambling too much, Pertinax? Please forgive me, I need to let out everything I have kept in my heart. Do you remember that one day, you hung out with a certain colleague of ours? Well, do you remember that when you came to see me that day, I was angry at you? It was because on that day, it had already been a year since we shared our first kiss. Did you forget? Did you not know? Well, it doesn’t matter now. Now that I think of it, it was such a petty reason to–I’m sorry? It isn’t a petty reason? Is it just fine that I was upset over that? Oh well, then maybe I should’ve expressed my disappointment to you. I know if I did, you would spoil me a tonne. Haha, isn’t that correct? I can’t control myself around you, Pertinax. You give me butterflies. Do you remember in our early days, whenever I would bring you bread, you would take the bread without touching my hands? Oh I remember how I longed for your touch back then. I would hold the bread differently every time I gave it to you. I was hoping that I would eventually find a way to feel your touch. And do you remember when I would greet you, “Good morning, Sir Pertinax,” and you wouldn’t even bat an eyelid? It’s always been me who has loved you first, Pertinax. And I tried, time and time again to lure your attention. Oh, how grateful I am for my past self. I remember the day you finally talked to me, I know I looked composed, but I must have been blushing and squealing silently under my mask. I remember exactly what you said. “Morning, Aurelianus.” My whole life I had always thought that my name sounded oh so horrible. It was only after I heard it straight out of your lips when I finally loved my name. Only after I heard it from your mouth did I love my name. Will you say my name one more time, Pertinax? Just before you go? Just once more is all I ask... What am I saying, I’ve gone crazy. Pertinax, what will I do without you, Pertinax? Oh please tell me. Please stay for longer, let me see the glimmer in your eyes one last time. I just want to see it. The same glimmer I saw when you first looked at me in the eyes.

...

Pertinax, if I could live again, I would do anything to change this situation. I would go so far as to offer my head if it meant you could keep yours. The glimmer in your eyes is too beautiful to be lost.